Things I've Learned from Game Night: Taboo and Empathy



I like games. I’m more a fan of those that require spontaneous creativity rather than complex strategy, and ones that bring diverse groups of people together toward a common goal. As an introverted person, I absolutely hate small talk and mingling, but, sometimes a well-chosen game will create just the right dynamic to break the ice and start to connect people. 

For introverts and people with various types of anxiety who find themselves at a party, the suggestion "Let's play a game!" may bring shudders of horror at the thought of forced and oh so awkward social interactions. But, if people feel welcome to participate as they like, and if the space gives them a sense of autonomy and comfort (with easily accessible snacks, drinks, and walkways to the bathroom), then things can be different. I saw this ring true among people of different ages and nationalities at parties I used to host in Quincy, Massachusetts. (My apartment was fondly known as QHOP, Quincy House of Parties, by my friends.) Games often forge friendships and let us see clever parts of one another that often stay hidden away during our everyday lives.
  
I regularly use games in my classroom, usually as a warm-up to review and/or energize the group, but sometimes at other stages in the lesson, as well. Besides developing games to practice specific points of language, I've also brought in some of my favorite party games. It's a significant confidence booster to tell students learning a foreign language that they can play the same games that native speakers of that language play at parties. The conversation club I led at my school in Boston loved games so much that they insisted on playing them every other week. I've even taught a special all-games conversation class here in Saint Joseph of the Fields, which students, even quiet ones, enjoyed greatly.

I'll be sharing some occasional posts on things I've learned from group interactions with games, focusing on a different game or type of game each time. This week, I'll talk about a game I've loved since high school, Taboo.



For folks who aren't familiar with it, Taboo is a word-guessing game. A player has to get their team to guess the word on top of a card, without saying any part of the word, and without saying any of the five "taboo" words below it. Mimes and gestures, and clues with "sounds like," are also not allowed. If a player accidentally says one of the taboo words (which are often the most logical words that come to mind in relation to the key word), a player on the other team who is also looking at the card buzzes them with a buzzer (or, in the newer version, an adorable squeaker). That card must be discarded, and another one is taken. The number of cards that a team successfully guesses from that one player in a minute become points for that team. After that minute, the other team plays, switching players each time so that everyone (who wants to, in my version) gets a chance to be the clue-giver.

  
I've played this game many times over the years, with native speakers of English as well as internationals, and it's fascinating to see the strategies that people use.
  
Sometimes someone gets stuck, and they can only think of one way to describe a word that is too ambiguous for their team to guess. For example, when describing "dolphin," they may say, "You find this in the ocean." But that could be almost anything--fish, island, sunken ship, etc. If the person doesn't start to narrow down what it could be ("Sometimes it's mistaken for a shark; It's playful; It breathes air..."), the team will have no idea how to keep guessing. I've seen players--more often native speakers than not--get stuck here, and keep repeating, "Come on you guys, it's in the ocean!"
  

Other times, a clue goes in an unexpected direction. For example, if describing "book," a player may say, "It's fun. People enjoy it in their free time." The team will inevitably start naming sports and other leisure activities that have nothing to do with reading. Or, perhaps, "It takes you to another place," which is true, but brings images of cars and airplanes rather than something small made of paper and text.
  
I help my English students build strategies to play this game, telling them that it helps develop fluency. How many times when speaking another language (or even our native language, on occasion), will we forget or not know a word we want to say? It sure happens a lot to me!

As in real life interactions, rather than freak out and quit, or stop and translate on their phone, I encourage students to navigate around the word, using other words they know. In the case of "book," where we can't say "read, library, novel, pages, paperback"--or "paper," because it's part of "paperback," I'll help students brainstorm language to work around those blocks. We can't say "novel," but we can say "story." We can't say "read," or "pages," but we can say "words, text, chapters." Maybe, "This is something with chapters and stories that takes you to another place," would be an effective clue.

When playing with English students, we work together through several examples like this before starting the game. During the game, we'll ideally have time for several rounds so that students can get multiple chances to be the clue-giver. Then, to wrap up, I'll invite them to select some of the more difficult cards from the discard pile, and, as a class we'll work on some more strategies to describe those words. Sometimes we'll mix those cards in again and play a final round. Students always walk out with grins of excitement and confidence.


Although a good vocabulary and strong verbal communication skills are extremely helpful in playing this game, what I believe is even more important is the ability to put oneself in the other person's shoes--to understand what they may be thinking, and to adapt as necessary.

Sometimes this comes from knowing the group. In class, if the word "teacher" is to be guessed, students almost always say "Dani is our ____," resulting in an easy guess. I've described the word "fondue" by saying, "This is what you may eat when you go to Campos do Jordão in cold weather," easily avoiding taboo words such as "Switzerland, chocolate, cheese," etc., yet playing to what they do know--a nearby mountain village that looks like a European town and is popular in the winter. It helps to know your group and what they may be thinking.
  
I bought a similar version of the game for my little niece in the United States, who is still learning to read but loves a challenging game. This version, called "Don't Say It," is made for kids, and has a shutter that can be adjusted give only one or two taboo words if desired, to make it easier. When we played as a family, she started making the same common mistakes. When describing "cheese," she said, "You buy this in the supermarket," but wasn't able to think of any more specific clues. After a few rounds, however, she caught on. The word was "hug," and she said, "This is what you do when someone comes from Brazil," thinking of the recent arrival of her aunt and uncle. That clue wouldn't have worked in another group, but it sure did for us! While that one warmed our hearts, another one made us laugh. With a serious face, she said, "This is what everyone says I'm due for," ("a bath!"--unlike Brazilian children, kids in the U.S. don't always take a bath every day! So when a parent says they're due for one, it's more than true!)

If a game doesn't evoke laughter, I'm usually not a fan of it. Taboo always seems to do that. Describing things for others to guess always gets ridiculous, and we always learn unique things about the other person's perspective when playing.

Even if new to to group, or not as quick with words, I believe people can learn to imagine themselves in the place of the others. As the clue-giver, they have to do just as much guesswork as their counterparts, trying to imagine what the group must be thinking, choosing just the right information to guide them to the target. I believe that's where players develop greater relational intelligence, and even empathy.

It doesn't always come naturally. It often takes time and work to develop the skills to understand another group's point of view--even if it's your peers. I believe communication skills will develop along with that. Some people use many words, others only a few, but the key is selecting what information your team needs to know in that short window of time. To do that, players need to develop awareness and perceptivity.

Taboo helped this shy gringa break out of her shell a little, back in high school. I never would have imagined then all the international connections I would have with this game over the years. It not only got me talking, but it gave me and many English language learners assurance that our words are potent, our skills are improving, and our insights are valuable.


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